I looked up what “radioactive” means, but I still have no idea what it means!
I just saw the words, “spontaneously unstable.” I could relate to these words because my whole life has been unstable.
Unstable doesn’t mean crazy, although I have had my fair share of crazy! Unstable means that I need something to lean on...someone perhaps. I need something strong enough to handle a spontaneously unstable heart.
I know this isn’t the typical blog filled with wit and catchy repost-able material.
Here’s the deal...
I don’t want to look or act perfect. I don’t want to have the perfectly composed tweet everyday. I hate that culture pushes me to perfection in myself.
I want to be radioactive. Our Creator is far too big for us to be living so small. Our Father is way too in control, for us to be acting like we somehow are.
You want to know how perfect I am? I am so perfect that the almighty, all-powerful God had to send His perfect Son Jesus to a cross to die a brutal death.
Sometimes I think about Jesus on the cross. I picture myself with my knees pressed down into the cold sand. I picture my snot and tears pouring from my face and clumping on the ground. I try to think of what I would say to Jesus, the one dying for my sin, the one paying the price for my blatant disobedience.
I still have yet to figure out what I would say and for some reason, I am okay with that...I am ok with realizing I am insufficient. I am coming to the realization that my words can’t change a thing and that my heart is just spontaneously unstable.
I embrace grace in my instability as my new radioactive/contagious identity points to Christ.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
The grace of God came and infected my life with a cure. Not a counterfeit. Not a trial run. Not a taunting taste on the tip of a dry tongue. A cure.
I want to live radioactive. I want to spontaneously emit the cure to everyone I converse with and everyone I serve.